Being Deeply Loved

I once heard a death doula say, “Remember that feeling as a child when a parent picks you up after you’ve fallen asleep and carries you to bed? I hope that’s what dying feels like.” 

Even if our childhoods weren’t idyllic, most of us had a moment like this where we felt held, protected, and deeply loved. When my children were small, I helped to lull them into sleep by listing off all of the people that loved them. I would start with close family but I would eventually evoke the love of distant friends or grandparents that died, and the love of God. My hope was that by tapping into the acknowledgement of all of the love that existed towards them, they would feel a deep sense of well-being and peace.

When was the last time I allowed myself to feel that deep love? Most of us have lost people close to us and chances are we will again but we still have access to their love. 

Many times, proximity to death brings about an awareness of deep love. The man on his deathbed may, for the first time in years, allow himself to receive the love of family or friends. Those supporting the dying are certainly aware of their deep love even in cases where a lot of messy history has built up walls of protection or disconnection. For others, reaching out for the love of their God or gods is common. 

I remember the first time I fell in love. I fell hard, as many of us do . And I fell for someone who had not earned such adoration, as many of us do. I recall being overwhelmed by the sensation, the euphoria. Looking back, I wonder if all of that was already in me and I simply needed a unique connection with another person to help me access its potential. What I was feeling was, in fact, my own heart opening in a new way. The common denominator in all of these scenarios is that the love itself is in us all the time. It’s almost as if a blockage is removed simply by allowing ourselves to receive it.

You can experiment with this yourself. Close your eyes. Imagine being at the end of your own life. You’re old, and yet preparing to be rebirthed into whatever is next. Your heart breaks open with the love that you have had for others in your long life and the abundance you have received in this life. Time and space contracts, allowing you to feel the closeness of those long gone with such clarity. While the scenario is hypothetical, the love is real and enduring, ready to be accessed at any time.