Why do we have a need to frame everything that happens to us and create a narrative around even the mundane events of our lives? You could say biology. Our survival for thousands of years has depended on our ability to evaluate whether something was a threat. It’s not an inherently bad thing and can certainly be useful. But, when does it stop being useful? And, in what ways is it shaping our lives?

There is so much I could say about the process of moving to Hawai’i. Making the decision to uproot was scary and exhilarating, remodeling and selling the house was exhausting. Then there was the packing, the goodbyes, the logistics of it all. It was so fast and frantic that I felt as though I landed here with my head spinning.

Language is a tool. It is inherited and yet constantly evolving. It serves us not only in communicating with others but in understanding our own human experience. Metaphors in particular have a powerful impact.

I once heard a death doula say, “Remember that feeling as a child when a parent picks you up after you’ve fallen asleep and carries you to bed? I hope that’s what dying feels like.” Even if our childhoods weren’t idyllic, most of us had a moment like this where we felt held, protected, and deeply loved.

The Winter Solstice is the day when the earth is at its maximum tilt away from the sun in the Northern Hemisphere, resulting in the shortest day of the year and marking the beginning of Winter. On December 21 we begin this new season. This has been celebrated across time and cultures as a celebration of resilience and hope.

A ritual is a simple and intentional action designed to bring deeper meaning to our lives and connect us with ourselves and the world around us. Rituals are often used in ceremonies but can be a stand alone action and are typically recurring at consistent intervals such as daily, seasonally, or annually. There is a lot of talk about ritual in the death work community as well as a push to reintegrate old rituals or create new ones.

This month we are trying something different for our feature; a Q&A style interview. This first round will be with a caregiver whom I have gotten to know quite well having been her hairdresser for many years. She’s incredibly wise, thoughtful, and vulnerable in sharing about her caregiving role and I believe she has a lot of insight for others who may be embarking on this journey.

Being with someone who is experiencing dementia presents us with unique challenges and opportunities. If you have spent time with someone in this state, you know about the difficulties and there are many books published on the subject. What I am interested in are the barriers we ourselves can unknowingly add to the equation and the way that certain shifts in perspective can increase our ability to connect with loved ones beyond the typical interactions that we rely on.

Contemplating mortality or the mystery of the vastness of time and space is very heady territory. We have a deep human longing for stability and would often choose a false yet familiar narrative. We often believe that negative experiences are bad and positive experiences are good, and our energy goes towards correcting our external reality in the pursuit of happiness.

Legacy Writing can take the form of a written story, poetry, set of beliefs or observations. It could be a blessing or even an apology. Legacy writing became important to me when I became a parent, which is also when my fear of dying began.

The environmental impact of our death practices are just as important as the choices we make while we are living but a reluctance to think about mortality along with a lack of information has led to most of us scarcely giving it a thought much less choosing an option that reflects our values such as the pursuit of medical research, sustainability, or a strong connection to the earth.